


picture perfect doesn't mean much to me

by starkly



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Beaches, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Team Bonding, Threesome - F/M/M, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-12
Updated: 2012-08-12
Packaged: 2017-11-11 23:03:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/483870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkly/pseuds/starkly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’ve got a place in Malibu” wouldn’t have been so bad if he’d only directed it toward Pepper and Bruce, but unfortunately he’d ended up shoving everyone on his private jet to spend the week in California.</p>
            </blockquote>





	picture perfect doesn't mean much to me

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write unrepentant Tony/Pepper/Bruce fluff and also I was at the beach, so this happened. Then snarky team banter and team bonding feels and some background Steve/Clint snuck in and I was like whatever, unrepentant fluff all around. Title taken from Every Avenue’s “Picture Perfect.”

Tony is quickly starting to realize that “I’ve got a place in Malibu” is climbing the ranks of things he most regrets saying (it’s up there now with telling Pepper he was dying of palladium poisoning and his promise to take Steve to the opera sometime soon). Of course, “I’ve got a place in Malibu” wouldn’t have been so bad if he’d only directed it toward Pepper and Bruce, but unfortunately he’d ended up shoving everyone on his private jet to spend the week in California.

At least he can take comfort in the fact that everyone _really_ needed a vacation, sighing as he watches the team horse around in the ocean from his seat in the sand. That and he gets to ogle everyone in various states of undress for a week.

“Tony, for the last time, I don’t need any more sunscreen,” Pepper says, ruining his plans to cop a feel on the beach. “If you’re that desperate to rub someone down, see if Bruce needs any.”

Tony turns to leer at Bruce, who sits on his other side with a book in his lap. Tony’s pretty sure it’s a physics book, which has to be the worst beach reading ever.

“I’m fine,” Bruce tells him, ruining his plans yet again. Tony frowns and goes back to watching Thor and Steve wrestle in the water. Pepper follows his gaze.

“Should we tell them to stop…roughhousing?” she asks a few moments later after Steve’s held Thor down under the waves for longer than was probably safe, had Thor been human.

Tony looks visibly pained. “And take away one of the few nice things to look at on this beach? You’re killing me, Pep, seriously.”

“If anything, someone should stop Natasha from continually scaring the pants off Clint.” Bruce points at where Natasha lurks mostly submerged, waiting for the right moment to leap out and frighten Clint. She’s succeeded four times already today.

Tony snorts. “Yeah, I’d like to see someone try that.”

Pepper does eventually yell at the boys to stop roughhousing once Steve accidentally elbows Clint in the face and gives him a bloody nose. Nobody tells Natasha to stop playing her game.

* * *

When Pepper wakes up the next morning to a bed empty of Tony, her first thought is that he hadn’t gone to sleep at all. Groaning, she rolls over on top of Bruce.

“I told him no workshop time all week,” she mumbles into Bruce’s shoulder. 

Bruce blinks sleepily at her. “What?”

“Tony’s not in bed.”

He glances over her head at the empty space in the bed. “He came to bed last night, I swear.”

“Maybe he couldn’t sleep.”

“JARVIS, where’s Tony?”

“I am sorry, Dr. Banner, Mr. Stark had ordered me not to inform you or Ms. Potts of his whereabouts.”

Pepper sits up, scowling. “I am going to kill him — ”

“No murdering anyone, please, at least not yet,” Tony interrupts, scurrying into the room. In his hands he balances a large tray stacked with pancakes, scrambled eggs, and orange juice. “After breakfast, maybe.”

Bruce sits up too as Tony gingerly climbs onto the foot of the bed and places the tray between them. Smiling, Tony pushes the tray forwards.

“Did you make this?” Pepper asks, incredulous. Even Bruce looks a little skeptical; he’s suffered through enough of Tony’s home cooking to be wary.

“I may have gotten some help from Clint and Steve,” Tony confesses, then adds when Pepper continues to stare at him, “I caught them kissing in the kitchen and in exchange for not mocking them the rest of the trip I forced them to help me.”

Apparently satisfied with the answer, Pepper and Bruce pick up forks and tentatively dig in.

“My compliments to Steve and Clint,” Bruce says around a mouthful of eggs, grinning at Tony once he swallows.

“You should eat some breakfast too.” Pepper tries to push the tray back towards Tony, but he shakes his head.

“I already ate the uh, mistakes. There were a lot.”

Bruce snorts into his glass of orange juice, the laughter turning into a coughing fit as some of the juice goes up his nose. Tony laughs at him while Pepper sighs and hands Bruce a napkin.

* * *

“You know, when I said I wanted a vacation, I kind of expected the giant slime monsters to _stay away_. Just for a week. How hard is that, seriously?”

“Quit complaining and focus, Stark,” Clint snaps over the comm., the remark followed closely by a loud gagging sound as Tony blows up the goo creature nearest to Clint, coating him in slime.

“If you’re done chatting, you two,” Steve cuts in, “a little help would be nice.”

Tony salutes Clint as the archer flips him off before flying over to assist Steve. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re not supposed to be polite while you’re giving orders?”

“What’s it matter to you, you wouldn’t listen either way.”

“Boys, please,” Natasha says tersely, and Tony wisely shuts up. She’s already pissed that one of the goo monsters had short-circuited the Widow’s Bite on her right wrist. No need to make her any angrier.

It takes them a while to clean up the last of the attacking creatures, but once the Hulk figures out that they explode if you hit them hard enough, it’s easy work. The mostly evacuated beach is covered in blue and green sludge, but Tony figures that’s a small price to pay for not being eaten by what had looked like huge piles of Jell-o.

Groaning, Tony flips up Iron Man’s faceplate. “I think I have sand in places I shouldn’t.”

“It could be worse,” Thor says, clapping him on the shoulder and pointing Mjolnir at Clint, who’s swearing and rubbing blue gunk out of his eyes, “you could be faring as poorly as Hawkeye.”

Tony grins. “You know what, that actually does make me feel better. Thanks, Thor.”

Natasha’s voice crackles to life over the comm. “Does anyone have Dr. Banner in sight?”

“Did he de-Hulk?” Clint asks, still trying to get slime off his face.

Tony’s already in the air before anyone can respond, scanning the beach for either the Hulk or Bruce’s vitals. He lets out a sigh of relief when he spots the Hulk unharmed (but that’s no surprise) not too far down the beach. He’s a little less relieved when he realizes what the Hulk is doing.

“Woah, hey, come on, big guy, let’s leave the sandcastles alone,” he says carefully, landing beside him and raising the faceplate again.

Hulk ignores him and crushes another sandcastle under his heel.

“Or not, fine, that’s cool — ”

“ _What_ do you think you’re doing?”

Even without JARVIS alerting him to her presence, Tony can tell who has just arrived by the tone of voice alone. “Pepper, what the hell are you doing out here, it’s not sa — ”

“If you say ‘not safe’ I will literally scream, Tony.” She turns to the Hulk, pointing at the demolished sandcastles. “Stop that this instant, those aren’t your castles. If you want to destroy one, you have to build it first.”

Tony actually can’t stop staring at Pepper, because this might be the most ridiculous thing she’s ever said, and Tony thinks most of the stuff she says is ridiculous. What’s even worse is that the Hulk is looking at her as well, with an expression that may very well be one of confusion.

“You’re scaring the children,” she goes on, now pointing behind them to where several harried beachgoers had taken refuge up on the dunes when the slime monsters had crawled up out of the ocean. Sure enough, one little girl was crying, though to be fair, that easily could’ve been because her sandcastle had been destroyed rather than fear of any sort.

“No, seriously, Pep, what are you doing out here?”

“I was helping people evacuate, did you really expect me to just go hide somewhere while you — ”

“Uh, yeah, that’s exactly what I expected — ”

“Honestly, Tony, sometimes I can’t even — ”

The sound of someone clearing their throat brings the argument to a halt. Bruce grins sheepishly at them as they turn to find him standing in the middle of a demolished sandcastle, holding up his stretched out pants. “Um, guys? Care to fill me in on what we’re fighting about?”

Tony sighs, shaking his head as Pepper takes the towel wrapped around her waist and drapes it over Bruce’s shoulders. “Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

Bruce nods in thanks at Pepper. “Uh, and was somebody yelling at the other guy?”

“Three guesses who,” Tony mutters, and Bruce smiles, amused. Pepper rolls her eyes and gives Bruce a quick kiss on the cheek before the three of them start trudging back down the beach to join up with the rest of the Avengers.

* * *

“I’m having second thoughts about this.”

Bruce looks unconcerned. “Really, now? It’s a little late for that.”

Tony sticks out his tongue at Bruce and gets sand in his mouth for his trouble. It’s all he can really do at the moment, considering that most of his body is buried under the sand.

“You look like a decapitated head,” Clint tells him cheerfully, laughing when Tony tries to swivel to glare at him and can’t. Tony, in a moment of what he now considered extreme foolishness, had agreed to let Thor and Clint bury him after Clint remarked that the giant hole Thor dug could probably fit a whole person. Tony had jumped down into it without a second thought, but now that he was just a head in the sand, he was definitely regretting his actions. But mostly just regretting hanging around Clint and Thor.

“Shouldn’t you be off sucking face with Cap,” Tony grumbles, and Clint kicks sand at his head.

“You said no mocking until the trip was over,” he reminds him. “Besides, he and Natasha are grilling the burgers right now.”

“Go bother them instead then.”

“You know what, I think I will. At least both of them have nice asses I can look at.”

“Hey! My ass is perfectly nice when you can see it!” Tony calls after Clint’s retreating back, but Clint just waves over his shoulder and keeps on walking. “Bruce, back me up here.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not sure I can take you seriously while you’re stuck in the sand like that.”

“Are you laughing at me? Ouch, Bruce, that really hurts.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it does.” He pats Tony on the head and stands up. “Stay put for a moment, would you? I’ll be right back.”

“What? Hold on, where are you going — Bruce, come back, don’t leave me here!”

The next couple minutes are the most excruciating wait of his life (this might be a slight hyperbole, but it’s close). Towards the end Tony starts to worry that Bruce isn’t actually coming back, but just when he’s about to start shouting bloody murder, Bruce reappears with a plate in his hands.

“Thor says he’ll come dig you out when he’s done eating,” Bruce says in lieu of a greeting, sitting down in front of Tony. “I brought burgers.”

Tony frowns. “You could dig me out yourself.”

“True. It’s just funnier this way.”

“Haha, I’m in hysterics over here,” Tony says, still scowling, but he angrily takes a bite of the cheeseburger that Bruce holds out for him and then swears because fuck, it’s actually kind of delicious. Clint seriously lucked out being best friends with and/or banging the best cooks on the team. Tony glares at Bruce. “Be glad you can cook.”

Bruce doesn’t bother asking for clarification, just holds out the burger for Tony again and smiles.

* * *

“I don’t know why I’m surprised you have a hot tub. It should’ve been obvious.”

Tony splashes water at Bruce, missing him by a good three feet. “Shut up, finish stripping, and get in.”

“You know these are highly unsanitary if not taken care of properly,” Bruce informs him, but he’s stepping out of his boxers and testing the water cautiously with his foot.

“I think I know the proper chemical makeup to keep a hot tub clean,” Tony scoffs.

Bruce slides down into the water beside Tony. “Do you?”

With a sigh, Pepper steps out onto the patio. “If you’re going to continue discussing the chemical cleaning of hot tubs, I’m turning around and going back inside the house.”

Glancing back over his shoulder, Tony leers at her. “Are you naked under that robe? Kinky.”

“You’re the one that left me a note for a ‘naked hot tub jamboree,’ end quote. I assumed I was supposed to take the ‘naked’ part more seriously than the ‘jamboree’ part. But if you’d like me to go get my swimsuit…”

Tony shakes his head. “No, no, please, by all means, join us.”

Pepper laughs softly as she discards her robe and gets into the hot tub on Bruce’s other side. Tony settles back and surveys the two of them, letting his legs float out in front of him so they bump into Pepper and Bruce.

“So besides the whole slime monster thing, this hasn’t been a bad vacation,” he admits. “Why don’t we have these more often?”

“Last time you wanted to go on a vacation, you were dying,” Pepper point out, rubbing a hand up his leg and then flicking his knee in annoyance. Tony pouts and rolls so both his legs are in Bruce’s lap.

“I don’t think I agreed to this,” Bruce protests, but he doesn’t push Tony’s legs away. Instead, he takes one foot in hand and starts to massage it. 

Moaning, Tony slumps down even farther. “I’ll go through dying more often if it gets Bruce to give me foot massages.”

“Don’t even joke about that, Tony,” Pepper whispers, voice tight, and Tony sits up, pulling his legs away from Bruce to float over and wrap his arms around Pepper.

“Sorry, shhh, it’s okay. This is naked hot tub jamboree time,” he tells her, pressing kisses against her hair, “not let Tony be an idiot time.”

Bruce follows suit, scooting over so that he can slip an arm around Pepper’s shoulders and kiss her temple. “I was under the impression that it’s always let Tony be an idiot time.”

Tony frowns at him over Pepper’s head. “Sometimes I wonder if you even actually like me or you’re just after my body.”

“Definitely just after your body,” Bruce assures him, leaning over Pepper to give Tony a quick kiss.

“I figured as much.” Sighing dramatically, Tony rests his chin on Pepper’s shoulder and mouths at her neck.

“If both of you stop bickering,” Pepper says slowly, making sure she has their attention, “we can turn naked hot tub jamboree time into sexy hot tub jamboree time. Also, I kind of hate how many times we’ve said ‘jamboree’ in the last fifteen minutes.”

“Clint won’t be happy,” Bruce says even as Tony’s pulling Pepper into his lap.

Tony lifts his mouth from Pepper’s neck to retort, “It’s my damn hot tub, I can do what I want in it. Now get over here.” Though his expression is skeptical, Bruce slides closer, reaching out to grip the back of Tony’s head and tug him forward for a kiss.

“Thank goodness you know all about the proper cleaning of hot tubs,” Pepper remarks dryly. Tony grins against Bruce’s lips, the two of them laughing softly.

* * *

(As expected, Clint isn’t pleased. Apparently, Clint had called ‘dibs’ on the hot tub that night, which Tony argues was invalid since being the owner of said hot tub canceled out any calling of dibs. Clint says this is bullshit, as calling dibs supersedes all other rules. The two of them argue about it for nearly half an hour.

Steve blushes the whole time Clint rants about it, so it’s not too hard to figure out why Clint had called dibs on the hot tub in the first place. Pepper just sighs and leaves the damage control up to Bruce.)

* * *

The beach looks really nice at sunset, Tony thinks, though he would never divulge such a thought to the others. Nor would he admit that eating ice cream on the boardwalk with Bruce and Pepper was actually kind of chill, the three of them nestled together on a bench, with Pepper in the middle and the boys on either side. What he will gladly declare, however, is that he would like to kill the rest of the team for ruining the moment.

“I can’t believe Clint actually challenged Thor to a hotdog eating contest,” Bruce says, shaking his head. He’s been saying this sporadically all day, still amazed that Clint had been that dumb.

His statement is punctuated by a pitiful groan from Clint, sitting on the next bench over with his head in his hands and staring mournfully at the ground. Steve sits beside him, rubbing Clint’s back soothingly with one hand and holding a Bomb Pop in the other. (The popsicle had been Tony’s until he took it out of the wrapper, stared at it contemplatively, then handed it to Clint with a smirk. Clint had punched him and told him he was shitty at keeping promises, but he didn’t give back the popsicle.)

“I can’t believe no one tried to stop him,” Tony corrects. Clint being an idiot is expected at this point.

On the other side of the boardwalk, Thor and Natasha are taking turns doing acrobatic tricks on the railing. Thor doesn’t seem distressed at all by the number of hot dogs he’d eaten earlier. In fact, as Natasha does a handstand with only one arm, Thor distractedly eats both his ice cream cone and hers.

“I think Natasha’s getting revenge for the sunburn on her back,” Pepper explains.

“Now _that’s_ something I can’t believe,” Tony interjects. Bruce and Pepper wait ‘til Tony’s done chewing the last of his cone so he can continue. “There’s no way she can’t put her own sunscreen on her back. I mean, look how bendy she is.” He gestures across the boardwalk, where Natasha finishes her set with a backflip off the railing.

With a deep sigh, Pepper sets aside her empty Italian ice cup and reaches out, taking one of Bruce’s hands in her right hand and one of Tony’s in the other. “I’m almost surprised we survived this vacation.”

“Hey, only one monster attack, and no one set anything on fire. I think this has been the best one yet,” Tony comments, rubbing his thumb along the back of Pepper’s hand.

“To be honest, I’ll be glad once we’re back home,” Bruce says, looking sheepish. “A whole week of doing nothing is a little unsettling.”

Tony leans against Pepper, grinning widely at Bruce. “Home, huh?”

Bruce’s expression is one of (in Tony’s opinion) adorable confusion. “I — what?”

“You called the tower home,” Pepper says, smiling softly.

“Ah, that I did.” He swallows nervously, suddenly uncomfortable with the way they’re looking at him. Almost…proud. “Don’t tell me you thought I’d run back to India?”

Tony shrugs. “Or Argentina or Kenya or wherever.”

“I…well, I did think about it, in the beginning.” Bruce toys with the hem of his shirt, biting at his lower lip. Tony can tell he’s debating whether to keep talking, so Tony stays silent, waiting. “I didn’t want to impose, or…cling to something that wouldn’t last.”

Pepper lets go of Tony so she can hold both of Bruce’s hands, giving him a comforting squeeze. “This will last as long as you want it.”

“I know that now.” Bruce smiles shyly at her, and it makes Tony want to reach over Pepper and kiss Bruce hard enough for him to forget everything, forget his insecurities and his need to pull away from other people. He has to remind himself that they’re in public; if he starts a media shitstorm it’ll be Bruce and Pepper who have to clean up the mess and that’s the complete opposite of what he wants.

Pepper is obviously thinking the same thing, because she merely leans up and kisses Bruce lightly on the cheek before settling back, still holding Bruce’s hand in her lap. Tony rests his hand atop theirs. It’s good enough for the time being.

“So, who wants to place bets for whether Barton’s gonna throw up or not?” Tony asks loudly.

Natasha and Thor both raise their hands while Bruce laughs and Clint swears at everybody in the general vicinity. And okay, Tony amends his previous statement slightly: having the rest of the team around doesn’t exactly ruin the moment. They just make it slightly less picture perfect. But when has anything ever been picture perfect for any of them?

* * *

Tony buries his face in the leather of one of the seats on the Stark Industries jet and groans. “We’re not even home yet and I want to go back to Malibu.”

Pepper pets Tony’s hair sympathetically as Clint says, “Shut up, Stark, you moved to New York of your own volition.”

That doesn’t really make Tony feel better. “Can I vote to move the Avengers to the west coast?” he asks mournfully. “Or better yet, we add to our ranks, split the team in two, and do an East Coast-West Coast Avengers sort of thing. I call dibs on the West Coast Avengers.”

“I don’t want to be around when you all argue about who gets to be on which team,” Bruce says lightly, chuckling.

“Well, I obviously have dibs on you too.” Tony looks up long enough to leer at him before faceplanting on the seat again. “And Clint and Steve are sticking together I guess — ”

Clint frowns. “You ‘guess’?”

Tony glances over to where the two of them are sitting, Steve effectively dead to the world as he snores away (Captain America snores, who would’ve thought). Clint’s holding his hand, absentmindedly rubbing his thumb across Steve’s knuckles, and it looks like he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.

“Yeah, I guess. So that means we get Thor since Natasha’s obviously going to stay with Clint. There, problem solved.”

“That is agreeable, though I do not wish to break up our team at all,” Thor says, dismayed.

Natasha pats his arm comfortingly. “No one’s breaking up the band, don’t worry. Besides, Thor and Tony can’t be on the same team unless we get more fliers to even things out.”

Tony shrugs, waving a hand dismissively. “Eh, we’ll iron out the kinks later.”

“Is this going next to our zombie apocalypse contingency plan?” Clint asks with a snort of laughter. The sound makes Steve stir, but he doesn’t wake up.

“He’s a surprisingly heavy sleeper,” Bruce remarks, and Tony’s expression brightens as he gets a brilliant idea.

“Guys, who has a marker — ”

“No, you are not writing anything on Steve’s face,” Pepper interrupts him hurriedly, giving him an exasperated look.

“Also, there’s no point in writing ‘Steve loves dicks’ on his forehead if it’s actually true,” Natasha adds. Clint kicks the back of her seat. “You trying to defend someone’s virtue is so adorable, Clint.”

“Is this a common tradition on Midgard, to write on sleeping comrade’s faces?” Thor asks, genuinely curious.

“Come on, don’t tell me you never pranked anyone when they were sleeping,” Tony replies.

Thor pauses thoughtfully. “There was a trick where one would put a friend’s hand in a glass of warm water to make them wet the bed.”

“Oh my god!” Tony laughs, doubling over. “I can’t believe that’s a thing that transcends worldly boundaries. That’s too brilliant.”

“Please tell me you tried that out,” Clint says, grinning.

“The Lady Sif and I pranked my brother in such a way when we were children,” Thor admits, unable to stop a small smile from forming.

“It gets better and better,” Tony says, still laughing. Even Bruce smothers a chuckle behind his hand.

“Regardless, we are not pranking Steve in any way,” Pepper adds sternly, though her smile kind of ruins the effect. Tony just smirks and leans over to whisper something to Bruce.

Pepper makes the mistake of leaving to use the restroom halfway through the flight. When she returns, Steve’s face is covered with marker. She snorts when she sees the inevitable “I love dicks” scrawled across his forehead though, so Tony thinks she’s really in no position to reprimand them for anything. Nobody else takes a nap for the rest of the flight.

They land in New York and Happy picks them up from the airport in one of the limos. Tony curls up against Bruce’s side and closes his eyes, ignoring Steve’s lecture on what counts as rude and childish behavior. (Writing “I love dicks” on someone’s forehead apparently counts, to no one’s surprise.)

When Stark Tower comes into view, Tony takes a moment to admire his handiwork. “You know,” he says to Pepper after a moment, “I’m thinking it’s time to rename our baby.”

“Yes?” she replies questioningly, waiting for whatever horrible suggestion Tony clearly has.

“I was thinking about Avengers Tower.”

No one speaks for a long moment. Finally, Bruce squeezes Tony’s shoulder and says,

“I like it.”

And that’s that.


End file.
